The Best of Life
by anemone paz
Summary: Hermione makes a confession to Harry, getting exactly what she expected but not at all what she wanted. What comes next is what she least expected, but is just what she wants. New chapter Up! "Call me Severus" (snape is here!)
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE  
*  
  
* Hi Hermione!  
  
Thank you so much for your letter. I am deeply flattered and I can't thank you enough. Though I just can't say I feel the same way. I apologize, and I will always be sorry, because I know, better than most people what a wonderful person you are. I know that you are great and deserve the best, I just don't think that we are suited for one another. I just think of you as a friend. I'm sure you can understand that. I don't want this to affect our friendship. Promise me it won't ok. I love you, and you mean so much to me. I miss you a lot, really even though we've only been apart a week. I look forward to seeing you soon. Ron's picking you up tomorrow afternoon right? Well probably today when you get this.  
  
Bye Sincerely Harry  
  
Hermione dropped the letter in disgust. She didn't understand why he had to respond that way. She knew how he felt about her. She said in her letter that she did. She just wanted him to acknowledge that he had received the letter. She didn't need the rest of that crap. Yet she had to smile. This was Harry. It didn't matter what he said as long as he said something. He could tell her she was a bat with now wings and she would still love it. This letter was his thoughts, in his words. She loved him for it anyway.  
  
A.N. I apologize for this being short, but that is my prologue. I am a not a new author, though I am new to this side of things. I mean having Hermione as a character. I intend on it being R, though I have never written and R fic before, so if it isn't please tell me and I will either change the rating or make it R. I don't really want to tell you where I intend to go with this, just that Snape will be the other main character. There is a chance she will end up with him, so I should warn you. There will also be a Harry- Hermione issue, so please read on. I won't tell you with whom she will end up though! 


	2. Faster Than Not Moving

Chapter One *  
  
* Hogwarts, Hogwarts: it never changes. Alumni returning years later find it unchanged. Now in her final year Hermione realizes the comfort she has taken in the stagnant nature of her school. Regardless of changes in her, her classmates and the outside world they live in, Hogwarts stays constant.  
  
This year was no different. Hermione and Harry were in an odd place. In fact they were hardly speaking. Despite Harry's promises and both of their attempts, their friendship was failing awfully. The awkwardness between them was so unbearable that when the two visited the burrow no one would stay in the same room with both of them together. This didn't help. The division of their friends was more than conducive to their rift, and by the time they boarded the train they were all quite used to it. Hermione and Ginny took one compartment with Ron and Harry in the other.  
This was working okay, but soon Ginny, having rekindled feelings for Harry, left Hermione alone to join the boys. Hermione was left alone to study. Though she didn't. She already knew all of the books by heart from all of her time alone at the burrow. Now she simply wallowed. That is to say she sulked. She thought about the day she wrote Harry. How could she have been so stupid. Or at least how could she have been so lacking in foresight. All she cared about was admitting the truth. 'I don't regret anything,' she thought. 'I would do it again. At least now I know the truth. I know just how important I am to these people.' It still hurt though, to lose all of her friends for telling the truth.  
She began to cry. She didn't even try to hold back. She knew none of her "friends" joining her. 'Maybe none of my friends, but wouldn't it be perfect if Malfoy were to walk in right now?' She thought. After some reflection she found herself hopeful such an occasion. It would cheer her up immensely to have someone to talk to, even if it was to fight with. She was lacking honest interactions.  
No such luck; She spent the train ride alone with her tears. Ginny didn't even return to see how she was doing. 'Makes you wonder.'  
  
*  
The minute she entered the great hall relief flooded through her. Hogwarts hadn't changed. All of the same professors sat at the high table. Even the defense teacher, Professor Lupin had stayed the curse broken with the fall of Voldemort. Snape was there, scowling as ever, though something was different. Hermione sat studying him searching for the change until the first years entered to be sorted.  
Surrounded by chatter Hermione felt her tension ebb away, because indeed she was surrounded by a family now. Even if her friends wouldn't spend time with her, it didn't matter because these people would never shun her. They would hardly be able to.  
"How're you Hermione?" Neville Longbottom asked cheerfully.  
"Suddenly I feel wonderful. I am so happy to be back."  
"Tell me about it, I had a rotten summer, as usual." Neville said, closing the short exchange, since it was known just why is summer was awful. Neville had no home, now that his grandmother had died. He spent his time going from relative to relative being basically ignored by all of them. His summer was very similar to Harry's now, since all of his relatives were against him do to his low magical ability, barely better than a squib. At least Harry had the burrow and his surrogate family.  
"Hi Lavender, how was your summer?" Hermione decided to ask the girl sitting next to her, she just needed to hear somebody talk. She obviously guessed right. Lavender kept talking, and talking. Hermione drifted into absorption mode, taking in everything Lavender said.  
The feast ended after no incidents. Hermione was left open to the idea of having no friends, rather just enjoying simple conversation with housemates during meal times and classes. She could entertain herself. Ron and Harry were never much use to her on an intellectual stimulus level. Though she still longed for someone to share with, someone to think with.  
Entering her head girl's room, she undressed deftly and got directly into bed. She thanked god that she only had one more year in this place. She then added thanks for the knowledge that she would always have Hogwarts no matter where she ended up.  
  
A.N. I repeat my apology for the length. I would like to make them longer, but I would also like to both post often, and stop when I feel is appropriate. Please, if you are extremely against short chapters, tell me, I just find the breaks more natural. I would normally thank you for the reviews now, but as I am posting the first two pieces within minutes of one another, there obviously haven't been any. I hope you all do review though, I love them. I will take any suggestions/requests very seriously. 


	3. Blissful

Chapter Two *  
  
*  
The first day of classes was a breeze for Hermione. She had gone straight to sleep the night before, without any back-to-school chatter with roommates to keep her up. She had never been so prepared for school as she was for that day. It went by in a blur of schedule complaints, reading assignments, and catching up. All of which she was completely oblivious to. She was in a word, disconnected. She was until last period potions that is.  
Potions was not only her favorite subject but her best. Just because it didn't come easily to her, she worked harder to compensate. So upon arrival to the class she was transformed into an alert and attentive pupil gathering all information imparted from their professor. When he asked her to stay after class she was hopeful although very apprehensive.  
"Miss Granger, I am under the impression you enjoy potions and have a strong interest in the subject. Do you intend on continuing your studies past Hogwarts?"  
"Certainly professor, I have always planned to continue to some form of college or other training."  
"Very good. Although I don't think that 'college' would be the best option for you. I would like to take you on as my assistant. Consider, miss Granger, just what you want. If you are sure of choosing potions, it is practically guaranteed that you will earn a potions mistress title within 3 years of leaving Hogwarts if you begin to study under me this year. You will think about it."  
"Sir, I don't have to. If you don't mind professor, I will give you my answer now. I will gladly become your assistant."  
"Very well, we'll begin tomorrow, if you are sure."  
"I am, and thank you very much."  
"Trust me, there are no thanks required."  
  
*  
Hermione spent the next day in a blur, once again. A few people spoke to her, though she hardly interrupted her thoughts to converse with them. They barely noticed, her classmates required little thought to please. Finally potions broke her daze and she woke up from her dream that had her sleepwalking through the halls. Taking eager notes on material she already knew by heart, just to be sure she grasped the concept, she actively participated in the lesson. By the time the period ended her hand was cramped and she was becoming slightly tired. This was wonderful and the thoughts provoked by the subject had left her exhilarated, while her classmates missed all of the implications of the material and were just drowsy from the long period. The class exited into the halls, and began to chatter. "Thank god that's over! Have you ever heard such boring stuff?" Ron broke out the minute he felt they were at a safe distance. Apparently he had judged wrong because Snape appeared behind him. Snape was about to speak, though he was interrupted by Hermione. He closed his mouth knowing he was still unnoticed and decided to hear what she had to say. "How can you say that Ron? Don't you understand what it would mean to our world, to your life if we could just solve that problem? We could rid ourselves of all illnesses, both minor and large! This would extend our life-spans by numerous years, and we could learn so much more. Humanity's largest problem is we have a lifespan of little more than 90 years. Even wizards rarely live to be much over 100." Her lecture had had little affect on the crowd, although a few students had simply walked away during it. Snape decided it was time to cut in. "Excuse me. Miss Granger you are quite right. Though please join me in my office tonight directly after dinner, concerning what we spoke of yesterday. Five points from Mr. Weasley for speaking badly of my class." Snape said in complete deadpan. He immediately glided away, leaving Ron no chance to object. Hermione left happily, again oblivious tot he remarks surrounding her. Harry quickly walked off, and everybody followed him. It really shows who her friends were really friends with. It didn't bother her though, she was left to peace and quiet, which for the first time all summer didn't seem like such a bad thing. Not stupid questions, not stupid jokes, no ignorant comment. This was bliss.  
  
*  
  
*  
A.N. Well here's chapter two in the same day as the first two sections. Again, no reviewers to thank, as it hasn't even come up yet. I promise that I am dedicated to this story and will see it to the end, unless there is some sort of crisis beyond my control. Enshallah right? God willing that is. 


	4. Just One

Chapter 3 *  
  
*  
When Hermione went down to Snape's office after dinner, she noticed, for the first time, that the halls were remarkably free of cracks and general erosion for such an old building made of stones. Not only that but she began to realize how well sealed the castle was, as if it was waterproof. 'This must have to do with all of the spells protecting the castle' she thought and carried on her walk through the school. She was taking a very leisurely pace and noticing every detail for the first time. 'It really is quite beautiful. We're really lucky.' She continued to think all the way down, and into, Snape's office.  
"Miss Granger, you're late," Snape said not even looking up. The effect was amazing. Hermione just stared. He didn't even check his watch, look at a clock, or even look to see it was her!  
"I'm not," She challenged, interested.  
"Very well then, I assume you are right," Snape said with a hint of appreciation, though that was so subtle it may have been imagined. The truth was neither one had any idea whether or not she was late. Neither one really care when it came down to it.  
"Do you have an assignment for me?" Hermione asked, unsure, after a pause.  
"Yes, yes. I'd like to see your work on original potions. Not what we do in class, rather ones that require more thinking. I'd like you to cure me of illness. I have suffered headaches and heightened temperatures. Just cure those symptoms in one potion please. Do not worry of the cause. Set up your cauldron over there. Supplies are in that cupboard," He said, pointing.  
Hermione got to work as did Snape. Sitting on opposite ends of the room, they could have imagined they were alone. Of course neither one did. They both had plenty of time to be alone and were enjoying being with someone, no matter how disliked that person may be by them.  
Snape looked up and studied her actions. Knowing just what stage she should be at were she doing it correctly. Indeed she was. Then he noticed her hand about to drop in another ingredient. It wasn't time to put anything in? Unless-  
"Stop! Miss Granger, do hold your hand unless you are intending to blow yourself up. Even if you were, suicide must be restricted to outside of the classroom," He said, and immediately was by her side, explaining. "The dragon scales must go into the mix 3 minutes after the beetle juice. Though I see your potion looks about right for this stage. Just let it sit.3, 2, 1 now," He finished and Hermione added the scales.  
"Sorry Professor, I don't know what I was thinking," Hermione said apologetically.  
"Well I do. Perhaps Potter, or is it Weasley this year?" Snape sneered.  
Hermione said nothing, though she ducked slightly to hide the fact she was blinking rapidly to keep her tears back. 'Oh stop it,' She thought to herself. 'There's no reason for that to hurt you. He's just a slimy old bastard. You don't need Harry, or Ron, or anyone!'  
She finished up her work, perfectly from then on, despite her impaired, watery vision. After cleaning up she returned to the common room hoping for a little sympathy. Though when she entered the room, everybody stopped talking. That seems like an exaggerations, but it's not. The worst of it was, Harry was sitting in the middle of the room. They all watched her while she passed, but as soon as her back was to people they each in turn began to snicker. By the time she was on the stairs it was full-blown laughter.  
As soon as she had left them behind she began to run up the stairs, tears ready to spill over her lashes for the second time that evening. Finally reaching her room, she slammed the door and fell with her back against it finally letting the tears come. Huge drops streaming down her cheeks.  
  
*  
  
That night she ran a bath for herself, lying in the hot water. She thought of all the ways she could kill herself just then. She realized that if she were to lie under the water and just take a breath of it, it would be over, in a creative way. Yet she couldn't do that. She knew she had so much ahead of her. She knew it. This was just one year, one year of this seclusion. She just needed to learn to enjoy it, all of the time. If only there was one person. That's all she needed one person to understand her. Just one. Just one more year.  
  
*  
A.N. I have reviewers to thank! Thanks for your encouragement, and I apologize for the short chapters, but I will update extremely often, usually more than once a day. This won't be the longest story by the time it's over. I figure, barely longer than 12,000. So not to long, not to short, in my opinion. 


	5. Hermione,

Chapter Four *  
  
*  
Hermione's days got better and better as they passed one by one. It was hard sometimes. Many people still spoke with her, but she was a pariah of sorts.  
When anyone did speak to her, she got rid of them as quickly as possible. 'They don't really want to talk to me anyway,' she thought. 'They just realize how rude it would be to ignore me after six years of life together. Living closely together as friends. I can't believe they could do it, and clearly they don't want to. But they do!'  
Her classes were as easy as ever, but for some reason asked for her answers anymore. Nobody wanted to copy her homework. They asked Harry, or Lavender for the answers, even though Hermione always got 10 out of 10, or more! This didn't bother her though, at least they weren't using her. What bothered her most was a lack of comprehension. This didn't make sense; it was too extreme. She hadn't done anything. Something must be missing, since there was no way Harry just put them up to this.  
Meetings with Snape were her highlight of life. Oddly they were his too. It had changed a little over the past month, and they got into the habit of discussing current advancements in their field. Rather, they studied them. Never did Snape ask her opinion on anything, and she never offered it. Maybe not the best arrangement, but it was nonetheless intellectually stimulating for both parties to simply learn what was going on right now.  
  
*  
This all changed after nearly a month after it all started. They were studying the acidic nature of certain potions. This was slightly harder for Snape to grasp, considering his lack of background in muggle sciences. It had truly never occurred to him to open such a book. Hermione was explaining the whole thing, when she realized something herself. To reverse the PH, or at least neutralize it, they just had to add unicorn horn. It was terribly obvious when you thought about. Unicorn horn was powerful, but it didn't change the properties of the substance it was added to. Unless you intentionally added it to an infusion involving any sort of natural roots. As soon as she explained this Snape's eyes lit up. It made perfect sense, and there was no reason why her idea wouldn't work in every case! This should be one of the most important advances in potions this decade. How come no one had thought of it before?  
"Hermione? How come nobody has thought of this?" He asked, voicing his thoughts.  
"I guess I was just more willing to open my mind to many of the.more experienced wizards who have grown used to this as an unsolvable problem. It is really quite simple. Plus I am muggle born." She stopped there, knowing he would understand. Besides she needed a moment to realize that he had called her Hermione. Well it was her name, but she didn't expect him to use it. 'How can he make that kind of mistake; he always calls me by my last name. He must think of me as Hermione,' She concluded and glanced over at him wondering.  
"What do you suggest we do?"  
"Write to every potions master in England," She said, half joking. Snape didn't catch that half though.  
"Yes ma'am!" He said. "There aren't that many anyway," He added after seeing the look on her face.  
"Great, we have a solution!  
  
*  
A.N. OK now I know that this is the shortest yet, but that's all I had down for this chapter. I know it must suck to have to click all of the buttons every few minutes, but I really feel like breaking it up here. Thank you for reading, and sorry if you didn't get my science/potions talk, I'm not really sure if it made any sense to anyone, but it made sense to me ( 


	6. Tomorrow

Chapter Five *  
  
*  
The bathtub adjacent to the head girl's bedroom was filled nearly to the brim of lavender scented oils, and a bubbling agent. She was determined to make the perfect soothing bubble bath potion, and this was one of her tests. She eased into the bath toes first allowing every her goose-pimpled flesh to become accustomed to the hot water before slipping in farther. Finally she lied down and sighed with contentment, any sort of stress she had ebbed away. Although her life was generally un-stressful, so this wasn't say much. Nonetheless she thought that she had defiantly hit it. She felt happier than she had in months, and didn't have a bad thought in her head. She simply floated slightly enjoying the buoyant feeling the bath was producing, both for her body and mind. 'This is the life," She thought and immediately snorted. 'That is too cliché. I guess I can be as trite as I like in my head.'  
This may seem too much like a drug, and perhaps it could be said it was. Only there were no affects on the body's physiological functions. It was similar to many charms used everyday. Easing farther back Hermione put her hair under the water, her head only protruding enough to keep her eyes and nose out of the water.  
After half an hour Hermione was still lying there, and bubbles finally began to pop, and the foam was descending she began to wonder if it would end right. Wonder, not worry though as worrying was impossible when surrounded by this wonderful liquid.  
Fortunately it did work and soon she was filled with a burst of joyousness. She jumped out of the tub singing cheerful songs, and thinking cheerful thoughts. It was completely successful after all! She allowed herself small congratulations before the potion's affects began to wear off on her. She felt extremely relaxed, and decided to take a nap before going to meet Snape. Though she couldn't wait to tell him of her first true potion's success. Well, her first original potion! She wasn't ready to sell it yet though. She would wait until she graduated.  
  
*  
  
*  
Sitting in Snape's office, Hermione was very comfortable. 'I'm more comfortable here than I am anywhere but in my own rooms!' She realized, slightly startled though largely indifferent. She watched him as he straightened up his desk a bit. Just stared at him waiting for him to speak, or look at her as a sign for her to speak. He spoke.  
"Miss. Granger, how is your project going?" He said. 'He knows,' She realized. 'He can tell I've solved it!'  
"Wonderful. I'm finished. I can give you a sample to try yourself, I think you'll find it.perfect."  
"If that is indeed the case, as after seeing your work, I am sure it is, what are you going to do with it?"  
"Now that is the problem professor," She said, her face falling. "I am afraid I don't know! To sell it or not."  
Snape nodded, they had spoken of this choice before. Though they had not gone into detail, they left the matter undecided and open.  
"You feel this would be dangerous to wizards?"  
"and Muggles too! It happens very often in the muggle world, drug abuse. We have such devises to make all of your problems go away. It doesn't work, people begin to escape all of their problems, causing more!" She exclaimed, as she felt this rather personally. Her uncle had been an alcoholic, as well as a pothead. It was hard for her as a child as he lived with her for many years. He had been so wasteful he ended up on the street until his brother, Hermione's father had to take him in. Her uncle was wasteful, as well as hurtful.  
"I do understand. It is of course your decision. I must say I think you should sell it, since it is people's right to choose whether they use it or not, and further whether they abuse it," Snape stated, nonchalantly not wanting to seem like he was telling her what to do. Not wanting to tell her what to do.  
"I don't think you understand. Muggles aren't stupid, regardless of what a few wizards think," She paused here, realizing she didn't know if he was one of those wizards.  
"I know Hermione, but I don't really see your point," He said with uncharacteristic gentleness, understanding her hesitance, encouraging her to continue.  
"Well, drug abuse is so common. So many drugs aren't even physically addictive, but people get stuck on them. They spend their lives high, never facing reality. So many lives are ruined, I-" Hermione stopped there, not wanting to get personal. Snape had been unusually kind recently, particularly today.  
"Yes. I've read about this. Though I must say I fell these people would find some form of escape, some form of denial, or worse some form of violence. If the entire world were a little more content, as your potion would cause, there would be so much less problems. If voldemort had taken a bath with our bubbles nightly, I'm sure he would never have happened." He allowed himself a bit of triumph at this speech. Their discussion was becoming a debate, and he had made a good point.  
"Who are we to decide what should happen. I don't like what happened with voldemort. I would like to...I would like if my parents weren't," She paused, intending to continue, but Snape nodded, allowing her to avoid vocalizing the truth. "A world with no evil would be a world without good. I can't be the one to try to get rid of evil, or pain. We'd be perfectly happy with no pain, but there would be no happiness, and no individuality. The world to slowly lower into a state of uniformity!"  
"What you are suggesting, Miss Granger, is merely a prediction. We can't know what will happen. Though this is your choice, I repeat. I do believe you may be right, it may be best not to market this."  
"I'm not sure I'm right!"  
"Then wait."  
"Thank you" Hermione said, and seeing the clock, smiled. "10:00 o'clock, by bedtime."  
"Ah yes,"  
"Tomorrow?"  
"Tomorrow."  
Hermione left the room thrilled. She walked up the stairs towards her room feeling lighter than her bath had made her. She was giddy. They had had a conversation. The kind of conversation she hasn't had in years. Not since she had dated Viktor Krum and they had talked for hours. She suddenly had something to look forward to, not years in the future, but right now. Every day she would talk with Snape. Everyday she would have a conversation. 


	7. What Letter!

Chapter Six *  
  
*  
People say that things don't happen overnight. Sometimes it seems like they do. This was one such case. Hermione simply woke up one morning and realized she didn't love Harry anymore. She wasn't interested in him as more than a friend, and despite her independence and the fact she was getting along quite well without them, she was realizing that she did miss her friends. She missed having someone to sit with, work with and lighten her up. Sure their friendships were shallow, but they were friendships and she did enjoy them.  
Yet she was too strong to simply go up to Harry and say "I don't love you anymore. She was too proud. It didn't matter anyway, the awkwardness would not evaporate and her friendships were already extremely damaged. She would just have to continue her final year alone.  
'With Snape' She thought, remembering the conversation of the previous night and smiling. 'Snape will talk to me, though no one else will. His conversations are worth ten of theirs anyway. More than that.'  
  
*  
She was wrong though, if only half wrong. Snape did talk to her, but soon everyone was talking to her. Within days of her realization of her true feelings for Harry, they spoke.  
It started when Ginny and Harry started to go out. Hermione felt a small twinge of jealousy, but only in Ginny's ability to achieve what she couldn't. Immediately after a public display and an informal announcement, Harry asked to speak with Hermione in private. This shocked her, though she agreed and drifted out of the portrait hole next to him.  
"I'm so sorry 'Mione, really." Harry started immediately.  
"Don't worry about me you can date whomever you want," Hermione said, misunderstanding him.  
"I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about us. I can't believe what a jerk I've been I never should have ditched you when everybody else did. I should have stuck by you, like you've always stuck by me when people have been shunning me. I'm ashamed of myself, and I'd understand if you never forgive me. Though I hope you do, because I miss you 'Mione." He said, all in one breath, clearly not very comfortable with his words though clearly honest. Confusion filled Hermione. What did he mean when he said that the other ditched her first. Wasn't her behind it all? Though that wasn't even the point, he was probably lying. She couldn't trust him anymore anyway. She could never forgive him and part of her wanted to scream this at him, but she didn't care. She didn't trust him; she didn't care if he knew how she felt. She just wanted somebody to be with all day. Even if their relationship was shallow and untrusting she didn't care. "It's okay Harry. I understand. Now let's go back inside." She said simply, strangely lacking tone. They did go inside, and Hermione expected everybody to talk to her, possibly even apologize. Instead they didn't but they also looked at Harry strangely. Only Ginny didn't look strangely Harry, and the others looked at her strangely for not looking strangely at him. Soon it was time for Hermione to meet Snape. She escaped unnoticed, as Harry and Ginny were making out and nobody else cared.  
  
*  
When Hermione came back to the common room she was significantly cheered from her discussion with Snape. They had forgone all work and instead sat in his office discussing great muggle literature. She spoke of Wuthering Heights and its complex relationships that spanned two generations. He spoke of Shakespeare and his opinion of magic, and witches demonstrated in Macbeth. They spoke together, examining the truths held in these pieces as well as others. Hermione had never had such a stimulating discussion in all her life, excepting previous talks with Snape.  
The common room, when she entered it, was empty. She thought it was until she passed one of the armchairs and it talked to her.  
"Where have you been?" The voice asked, which she identified as Harry.  
"I'm Snape's assistant this year. We meet every night." She said simply, still not pleased with him.  
"What until this late?" Harry asked.  
"Yes." Harry was ruining her mood, and she was not willing to let it down that quickly. She didn't want to resort to her bath bubbles to regain the feeling Snape instilled in her.  
"Oh." Harry said, not wanting to fight. "What do you do?" He added, really trying to be interested, to rebuild their friendship.  
"Almost always doing, and talking about potions. Though today in particular we decided to skip the work, we discussed muggle literature in fact." She said, brightening significantly. Harry raised his eyebrows.  
"So this is what you've been doing since school started."  
"Yes, it wouldn't have been hard for you to notice!"  
"No. Yes. I am angry with myself for trusting you, for expecting you to not turn around and turn everyone against me, however you did it. I am angry at myself for actually believing our classmates were my friends, not just yours and mine by extension," She spoke. 'Damn the night,' She thought. She had always been susceptible to total honestly if it was dark and quiet.  
"I.I'm sorry. I didn't turn anyone against you though." She'd forgotten he was lying about that.  
"Right, then why did everyone else suddenly stop talking to me, when I told you I-" Hermione stopped, nearly blushing.  
"When you told me what?" Harry said innocently, and Hermione's mouth dropped open.  
"You're kidding right? Well that's not funny! Really, it's kind of mean!"  
"'Mione," Harry said gently. "Don't be mad, I really have no clue what you're talking about." Hermione sucked in a breath.  
"When I told you I was in love with you!"  
"Wh-What?" Both faces expressed deepest confusion and hope.  
"The letter, this summer, I told you. I said I was in love with you."  
"I never got this letter. 'Mione, you love me?"  
"I told you I did. You replied, you did. You told me you didn't feel the samee way about me. Don't do this please."  
"'Mione," Harry started coming forward, cupping her face. "I love you. Why did you stop talking to me if you love me, and for the last time I never got any letter." There was total silence. Harry spoke again, "Hermione, I love you. Do you love me?"  
"I-I don't know. I just. Harry." She smiled, "Harry. I loved you more than anything. I will never be over you. But, you, you turned everyone against me. You ignored me. You never responded irrationally to my letter. I-"  
"Stop! I did neither. Please, I turned no one against you. I did abandon you, but you ignored me first. Lame, I know, but you started it. For the last time, I don't know what letter you are talking about!" *  
  
*  
A.N. Hi. More. Finally getting somewhere. Reviews please, I want to know what you think. 


	8. Broken Trust

Chapter Seven *  
  
*  
Hermione sucked in a deep and almost ragged breath.  
"Harry, let's pretend for one second I actually believe you, which I don't. How did you reply to a letter you never read? Don't say you didn't reply, because I have hard evidence of that." She tried to be rational. This was crazy.  
"Well you'd better go get it, because I'm not going to believe you otherwise."  
Hermione got the letter and brought it to him. She wasn't comfortable admitting she had saved it, but there seemed to be no other reasonable way to go about this.  
"There, see. Written by your hand," Hermione said after handing him the letter. Harry's expression was making her feel uncomfortable.  
"'Mione, I never wrote this. I'm not kidding. Maybe somebody put a-"  
"Finite Incantatum," Hermione said simply not expecting it to have any affect. To her surprise it did as the letters transformed themselves before their eyes.  
"So you didn't write it. Ok. Ok. OK. Who did?"  
"Well.G-Ginny. This, is her writing," Harry said pausing on each word, having trouble saying them.  
"So you're not kidding, you never knew I loved you."  
"No, 'Mione, I never knew. I do now," Harry said softly and for the second time that night approached her and cupped her face. "I do love you."  
"Wait a minute," Hermione said, stepping back. "I can't just accept that. I don't even know if I still love you! I'm sorry; you haven't talked to me in months. Really, and it didn't just start when we got to school, it started at the burrow!"  
"Well, you were ignoring me! You paid no attention to me, and were always awkward when I was around. Ginny," Harry choked on the last name. "Ginny, told me you obviously knew how I felt about you. So I backed off. I'm sorry, I never should have done that, but it hurt for me to see you didn't even care about our friendship."  
"Well I cared! I just, I don't think I can accept that. Sorry. I still don't understand why nobody talked to me. I just can't trust all of you because of your lack of loyalty. I'm sorry, I just can't accept this right now," Hermione said and ran up to her room, unintentionally hurting Harry.  
Harry had done nothing wrong. He had been going through as much pain due to their separation as Hermione had been. It was hard, he felt rejected and hurt. 'Ginny.Ginny,' Her thought and shook his head. 'What have you done to us? Why?' *  
  
*  
A.N. Sorry that was so short. I just had to end the chapter here. Well thank you for the reviews. I don't want you to know where I'm going with this, but let me tell you it is somewhere, and I know where! I just would like it tot be suspenseful. Hermione will have developing relationships with both Snape and Harry, and possibly another. It is essentially a romance fic. Really. This one probably won't make the R rating for quite a while, but even one chapter would count. 


	9. Messages

Chapter Eight *  
  
*  
As soon as Hermione went up to her room, Harry followed up the stairs to the girl's dorms. He soon found the room saying "Sixth Years" and entered as quietly as he could. Finding Ginny in the third bed, he shook her awake. Ginny smiled up at him, causing his stomach to twist in some emotion nearing anger. He motioned for her to follow him downstairs, which she of course did.  
"Ginny," He began as soon as they both reached the common room. He steeled himself for the second serious conversation that night. "What the hell is this about?" He decided to jump right in and shoved the letter nearly into her open mouth.  
"Harry, what letter? Let me see it!" She grabbed the parchment and held it far enough from her face to actually focus on it. As soon as she did, her face fell remarkably and her eyes held some sort of darkness. "What do you think it is?" She hissed. "If you have this letter, I know who gave it to you."  
"Right. Hermione. What have you done? Why Ginny?" He demanded.  
"Hahaha. As if you don't know. It's all about you Harry. It was all to get you Harry. The letter wasn't event he worst of it-the rumors were. You never ever wondered why nobody spoke to her," Ginny's eyes were like he had never seen them, they weren't laughing though she was. "and I got you didn't I? It worked."  
"Well you've lost me now!" Harry said. He shifted, feeling hurt and betrayed. "How could you Ginny?"  
"It was all for you."  
Harry was about to leave when the portrait hole opened. McGonagall ducked in, and took in the room. Seeing the two of them near the dying fire, she headed towards them.  
"I'm not even going to ask why you're out of bed. Please go get Miss Granger from her room. Tell her to bring her bubble bath."  
Harry was the one to walk up the stairs. McGonagall clearly wanted Ginny to go, but was not in the mood to argue when Ginny made no move to go and instead Harry did. He soon returned with Hermione behind him, holding a purple bottle in her hand.  
"Professor? What is it?" Hermione asked, confused but alert.  
"Hermione, please follow me to my office. I have something to tell you." *  
  
*  
Once seated in her office, McGonagall magically closed the door.  
"Hermione, I have two messages from you. The first is from Professor Snape, pertaining to the last. He told me to tell you: 'do not be afraid to use your potion this time. Many of the strongest wizards would chose to' I won't pretend I understand what that is about, but that is what he said. The second is that. Your mother is. She has died. I'm sorry." McGonagall paused to see if Hermione would say anything, but seeing she wasn't going to, she continued. "You are welcome, to use my bath, as Professor Snape has insisted would be best for you. Would you like me to show you the way?"  
"Ye-Yes Please." *  
  
*  
A.N. another short one, and for me, if it's short it's really short. Thank you a bunch for the reviews, everyone knows that reviews are a good initiative to update. 


	10. Thanks Harry

Chapter Nine *  
  
*  
Hermione leaned back into the wide tub. It was too deep to lie on the bottom, so she was suspended in the water, at just the right depth, by some form of floatation devices. Her potion was beginning to work, but before she had totally succumbed the news had a chance to sink in to her mind. Her mother was gone. She would never see her again. Never hear her again. 'Dad. Oh there's going to be a funeral!' She thought before letting go of all thoughts.  
After relaxing she was propelled out of the tub with a burst of joy. Optimism was still flowing through her when she left the room. She quickly sobered up, realizing her situation and having to restrain herself from breaking down. A difficult task it was, but she managed, still slightly under the affects of the potion-bath.  
She found Professor McGonagall in her sitting room, holding fresh clothes for Hermione.  
"We have arranged for you to go home now. Mi-Hermione, I apologize for the way I told you. It's just that-you understand don't you? Sometimes it's easiest just to say it. I'm sorry."  
  
*  
Harry paced Hermione's sitting room, not knowing if he should go look for her, or stay there. He had obviously chosen correctly when Hermione came into her rooms. Harry immediately rushed forwards to hug her.  
"Oh 'Mione I'm so sorry. Really, is there anything I can do for you? I'll do anything you want." Harry said, his face showing clearly how much her pain was hurting him. Hermione couldn't forget the past few months, but to see him like that, she realized her really did care about her. She had nobody else.  
"Harry. This is a big thing, but please, come with me. I can't see my father alone." Hermione looked at Harry, expecting him to say no.  
"Of course Hermione. Really, they couldn't stop me." Harry gave a weak grin at this, knowing that to miss school for someone else's loss wasn't common, though he would make them accept this.  
"Thanks Harry. I need to pack, but stay with me okay? After I'll go with you to talk to.Dumbledore and McGonagall."  
"Of course, Hermione, of course," Harry said, and rubbed her back between her shoulder blade before letting her go. "I love you Hermione, and I promise, I'll be with you through this."  
"Thank you. Thank you."  
  
*  
It meant so much to Hermione to have Harry with her. She really did still love him, after all of this. She was so happy he was finally paying attention to her, and he loved her. She knew he loved her, she could tell. He was the only one who loved her; the only one she had left. She looked over at him, and saw him looking back at her. They smiled at each other, weakly.  
"It'll get better 'Mione. You know it will." Harry said, ending his sentence as a half question.  
"I know. Sooner or later it will." *  
  
*  
A.N. Hi. So this is another indecently short update, but there's just something about length and I. Maybe it' my craving for outside gratification. I need your reviews!! Thank you so much for reviewing, come on, keep reviewing, I live for them. 


	11. Mr Granger

Chapter Ten *  
  
*  
Harry and Hermione made it to her house, and looked upon a dismal scene. Hermione's relations were visible through the picture window. There were so many friends and relatives of her mother their, morning her death. Hermione could barely stand as she realized she was expected to join them. Harry sensed this and supported her by her elbow, keeping her erect.  
"Harry?" Hermione said, her voice quivering.  
"Yeah Hermione?"  
"I don't think I can do this." She said, turning to face away from him. He pulled her towards him and looked into her eyes.  
"Hermione. I know you can do this. I don't want to tell you it's not hard, or that it will, or should be, easy for you, because I know this will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. I know you can do it though, and I'm here for you." Harry said, never breaking eye contact. Neither one blinked. "Okay 'Mione?"  
"Yes. Yes, let's go. Just don't let me go."  
"I promise I won't.Unless you want me to."  
Hermione and Harry entered the house, joined by his arm under hers. Many people headed in her direction, but they all stopped when her dad spotted her and made his way over.  
"Hermione dear," Art Granger said, squeezing her. He noticed that Harry was still attached to her arm, having kept his promise. "Hello Harry, nice to see you again." He said politely, half wondering exactly why the boy was here.  
"Dad, it's okay if Harry stays with us right?" She asked. Her relationship with her father had always been strained; they got along mostly to please her mother. They had both loved her dearly, and did everything to make her happy, including try to maintain a relationship with one another. This was extremely trying and the attempted relationship had dissolved when Hermione had gone to Hogwarts mostly against her father's will.  
"Of course dear. I don't know where we'll put him though. He may have to sleep on the floor in your room," As Mr. Granger said this, he watched their faces closely to see if their were any signs that the two might be more than friends and found this arrangement odd. Seeing nothing to suggest it, he was satisfied. "Yes, we'll make him up a bed next to yours. If that's okay Harry?"  
"Yes Sir, just fine. Thank you." Harry answered politely, never having spoken to Mr. Granger much. He knew of Hermione's difficult relationship with him. Harry was going to miss Mrs. Granger though, with her sweet ways and interest in anything having to do with Hermione's life. Her pride she held in her daughter was always evident, and she never pressured Hermione to try as hard as she did.  
"Dad, if you don't mind I'd like to just go upstairs for a while. I haven't had a moment to think since.since I found out," Hermione asked hopefully.  
"Sorry dear," clearly overusing the term of endearment that was unnatural to him. His tongue didn't accept the word as his own, and it was clear it meant little to him, more than a formality he was unfamiliar with. "I'm afraid I think it best for you to keep up appearances. Just stick around talking to her friends for a while. They really need it."  
Mr. Granger left to speak with someone else, leaving both Harry and Hermione with a feeling of anger in the pit of their stomach.  
"That's just like him," Hermione said quietly. "He never cares about what I want. It's always how others see his family." The hurt of feeling unloved by her father was clear in her voice and Harry was burning up with dislike. It reminded him so much of the Dursleys and their need to seem perfect to the outside, to do everything correctly, according to etiquette and courtesies.  
"Don't pay him any notice 'Mione. There's nothing wrong with what you want," He said, trying not to say it too loudly and fiercely as he wanted to. He paused and contemplated voicing his next though. "Hermione, you know you never have to come back here if you don't want.I mean, you can live with Sirius and I, you know that right?" He stopped when he saw the look on her face. "Don't worry, I'm not suggesting I support you financially or anything. You will never have any trouble finding a job, and if you had a trouble getting started, I would gladly loan you whatever you needed. If you really don't want to come back her, don't ok?"  
"Thanks Harry, but I don't know. He is my father. My mother did love him, and he does mean something to me. Thank you so much."  
Hermione was starting to feel that maybe she could trust Harry again. She began to realize just how much he cared for her, and how much he was willing to do for her. Yet somewhere in the back of her mind, she didn't think she loved him. She'd never really had a wonderful conversation with him, the kind that left her giddy. The kind that made her never want to stop. *  
  
*  
A.N. Thank you all SOOOOO much for your reviews. Really, I LOVE getting them. And don't worry, Snape will be back soon!! Really, this is after all classified as Hermione-Snape.this whole harry thing kind of took me by surprise.I mean I knew Harry would be another option for Hermione, but I didn't really know how.Well I do know though! Sometimes I write things by whim even though I've totally planned out the whole story. Without making major changes though. Anyway here's to getting some Hermione- Snape in next time!! 


	12. Get Drunk

Chapter Eleven *  
  
*  
Harry convinced Hermione quickly to ignore her dad and go up to her bedroom like she wanted to. She deserved to do what she felt she needed. It wasn't unreasonable for her to not want to make a public show of her mourning. He led her upstairs, though they had to stop many times on the way. Reaching her bedroom he stopped allowing her to lead the way in. It seemed only right to let her open the door.  
Once inside the room they sank onto either side of the double bed that was barely hers anymore.  
"Hermione, I hope you know I'm really sorry."  
"About my mom? I know, Harry, of course you are. Thank you for that."  
Harry hadn't meant about her mom, but decided to let the topic drop, his statement left misunderstood.  
"Harry? I don't know what to do now." She said softly rolling over to face him, hoping he would understand. He didn't.  
"In what way? About your dad?" He asked, taking a guess.  
"No. Right now. Let's go out," She said, on whim,  
"Well. Okay. But. Where?"  
"This is my hometown remember. Well city really, I know where some places are. Let's just go, my dad will never come in here. We'll leave a note just in case," She added, the end after seeing the worried look on his face.  
They were already dressed in muggle clothing, and while their clothes were rumpled, a little bit of magic (the ministry weren't monitoring underage magic with school in session) they were good as new. Climbing out the window provided more of a challenge, but Hermione was thrilled. She had always thought about climbing out her window, though at ten she had never had any place to go. After that she had always been at Hogwarts, or gone on vacation.  
Once outside, Hermione felt exhilarated, and Harry felt worried. He still had no clue where he was, or where anything was, and he was still a little in the dark about the true ways of the muggle world. He'd never been out somewhere fun, which he was sure was what Hermione was planning.  
He was right, since as soon as they got outside, Hermione led him in the direction of the nearest club. Not far from there she figured it was best if they walked.  
"Where are you taking me?" Harry asked after some mental debating, whether to leave it in her hands, or to at least know what was going on.  
"Just some club a friend took me to last year," She said casually. At the look on his face, which was priceless, she added "Just once, I mean I haven't been home for more than a week since we started our first year."  
"Ok. Will we get in?"  
"Don't worry about it. This club is.well if you argue enough they'll let you in without ID."  
Which was lucky, since Hermione decided she had to get drunk. Harry was boring her, and she just wanted to have fun. She didn't want to tell Harry she planned to get drunk; he'd be against it. He'd have to wait until he couldn't stop her so well. She knew one person who wouldn't be against it. *  
  
*  
"Hermione I think you've had enough to drink," Harry said looking worriedly at his drunken friend.  
"Harry, I think you've had too little to drink. I think you should have a couple. Actually I think you should have a threesome," Hermione slurred and fell into a giggling fit, seemingly finding humor in her statement.  
"Okay, Hermione, but not today. Someone's got to get you home." This cause Hermione to laugh harder.  
"You my designated walker? It's no fun drinking alone. Maybe I'll have too go find another designated walker. One who can't walk any better than me," She was only kidding, she was enjoying herself greatly with Harry, and laughed between each word. Yet she decided to stand up anyway. She didn't quite make it, and seemed to enjoy the sensation of falling before Harry caught her.  
"What'd you do that for?" She asked, barely pronouncing syllabic words at all. "I was in free fall."  
'She's always thinking, even when she's drunk,' Harry thought with admiration. 'I've got to get her home.' *  
  
*  
Oooh, I do NOT like this chapter. Oh well, I don't know what else to do. Anyway, Hermione was a bit out of character, but I hope I made it realistic under the circumstances.  
Time to let you in on the inspiration for the title. Maybe one or two people figured this out, but I doubt it. It's from a quote by Lord Byron "Man being reasonable must get drunk, the best of life is but intoxication." Anyway, that will be back! Thank you to my wonderful reviewers, and I implore you to add to the number. 


	13. Call Me Severus

Chapter Twelve *  
  
* Hermione and Harry made it back to the Granger home just fine, and met the next morning late with a headache on Hermione's part. Her father didn't even notice. The next day was spent preparing for the funeral that afternoon. They had been very quick in arranging it, and were more than ready by the time it came. All of Mrs. Granger's friends and family were close by, which added to the pain due to all of their close relationship with her.  
After the funeral, Mr. Granger questioned Hermione on her school life, trying to work on some sort of relationship. Hermione answered the questions with some animation, but mostly she missed her mother to truly discuss such things with, and she knew the thought of magic pained her father, she could see it on his face.  
Harry and Hermione returned to Hogwarts that evening, by Hermione request. They joined dinner in the Great Hall. Hermione's classmates were their usual selves around her, and she was grateful for it. They mostly left her alone, talking with one another, as usual. A few people did say they were sorry to hear of her mother, and she was thankful for their sympathy. She was really devastated.  
After dinner, as usual she soon made her way down to the dungeons, and into Snape's classroom, and soon to his office. She knocked.  
"Come in," His voice called, a snarl and a question underlying what seemed to be an emotionless voice if on paid little attention. Hermione paid a lot of attention. 'He's not expecting me' She thought, and entered.  
"Miss Granger! I wasn't expecting you today. You can go back to your dormitory if you like," He said, his tone changing throughout, as he was unsure of what was appropriate.  
"No, if you don't mind, I'd like to stay. I don't have much to do, and I would like to.I would like to keep to my routine."  
"Very well. I have nothing planned though, so I'm sure you wouldn't mind just talking today?" He asked. He admitted to himself he was hopeful. He received a nod and she sat down.  
They began first discussing potions, awkwardly, and soon everything with ease. That is they discussed everything freely, normally, enjoyably, except for one topic. Finally Snape decide to bring up the topic on his mind, even though it was not his place.  
"I'm sorry Miss. Granger, I haven't told you how sorry I am to hear about your mother. I understand you two were very close." Hermione said nothing, so he continued. "I can't imagine how you must feel. I've never been in such a position. To lose a parent, a true one. My parents were never that to me." Still she said nothing, so he continued. "I have lost someone I loved though. That was the hardest thing that I have ever been through. I won't lie to you; I'm not over it today. I still can't compare it to losing a parent," Snape was settling in to talking when he was interrupted.  
"Tell me," Hermione said. "Tell me about your love. If that's okay," She added hastily. It was over certain boundaries, but if they were both willing to cross them.  
"She was. Wonderful. I was in my seventh year. She was.not. We met. I saw her first. I took an interest in her first I mean. To her I was just another boy. Just another slytherin. To me she was someone special. I remember nothing of her but our conversations. That is, I remember he looks and her actions, but they are meaningless. It was in the way we spoke. We got to a point where we spent every possible moment together. If we met in the halls I would be late for class. We never stopped talking unless positively forced. We could talk for hours without realizing it. We would meet for lunch and the sun would have long since set before we would separate. And the content. It was as if she was a part of my mind I couldn't reach myself. Our thoughts and words flowed together, never was there a pause in conversation. Some say comfortable silence is a sign of love, but I don't buy it. We never had silence, though every word was comfortable. We started out as just friends, but soon I wanted to hold her. Every minute I spent with her I could feel myself drawn to her, to wrap my arms around her. I no longer need to talk all the time with her, if I could just be near her. Finally I did, I hugged her. I.kissed her. That was the beginning of our romantic relationship, which was short lived. It was just before the rise of Voldemort, and many would assume she was murdered but she wasn't. I wish I could have somewhere so concrete to direct my anger. God is such an intangible thing to blame, but blame him I did. I cursed God, Gods, fate and nature for what happened to her. She drove off a bridge. Such a muggle way to die. In the snow. She didn't even die instantly, she froze to death, bleeding. I was alone. And how alone. I had no friends; she was the only one I ever talked to anymore. This wasn't only by choice, I have no delusions of having ever been popular, but I didn't even need anyone when I had her. I wish I could really get across how much she meant to me, but I never can there are not words. So I'll just tell you now, I have never gotten over her death. It is what turned me to the dark lord; it is what made me who I am today. I miss her."  
Snape stopped talking. He had been more honest than he had ever been with anyone since his love herself. He was relieved, though worried he had revealed too much sensitivity. He looked at her. Hermione was taken in by the sound of the voice and the beauty of his narrative. She was moved by his speech, she was left speechless. The love, and the pain this man had felt left a hole in her. The love he had described made her think. She needed such a friend, though sometimes she felt that way with the man in front of her. Their conversations would go late, and they would speak of all things. Yet she had gotten the feeling that the feeling wasn't mutual. She felt an ache in her chest at this thought.  
"Miss Granger? Would you like me to continue talking?" He asked, unsure how his story had affected her. Hermione ignored his question but responded to his speech.  
"You've never felt this way again? I was always hoping that there would be more than one person for everyone in the world. I hoped we'd be able to find love more than once."  
"Me too, Miss Granger. I admit, I have enjoyed some of the same conversations, but only one person had managed the illusion of our brains working as one," Snape said hesitation, not sure whether he should have shared that last bit of information.  
"Anyone I know?" She asked teasingly, surprised at herself, at her own changing of mood.  
"As a matter of fact yes. I really don't see how this is relevant," He said, not angrily though he berated himself. 'Now you've done it, she wants to know who!'  
"I'd like to know who.but I understand if you don't want to tell me," Hermione said slowly, not wanting to say the wrong thing, but really wanting to know.  
"There's no reason for me not to tell you. It is you whose conversation I have enjoyed," He said. It was quite a bit like jumping off a diving board. As soon as he decided to go for it, there was no turning back. He just had to do it. He even felt a bit light headed, with butterflies in his stomach, as if he was in free fall.  
"I know what you mean professor. Just look at the time," She said and smiled. He had to twist his neck rather uncomfortably so that he could see the clock. He almost wished he hadn't since it was nearly 2:00 AM. They had talked so much earlier. Hermione didn't want to leave, and Snape didn't want her to.  
"I see what you mean. Please, call me Severus," He said, though the last part was rather tentative.  
"Okay, Severus. You have to call me Hermione though," She said, feeling so very happy.  
"Gladly. I I'll walk you back to your tower though. I don't want you to get attacked by some wandering cat."  
The walk was easy and filled with light conversation. Both felt such sadness when they reached the portrait. Hermione said the password and opened it. The portrait opened in a way so that the fat lady couldn't see the pair. Not that either one consciously registered that when they hugged tightly. Hermione felt she wanted to hug him forever. She loved him, she knew. It seemed to fast but she was sure that this was love. Severus held her too him chest and smiled and frowned at the same time. He was in love again. He had never thought it possible. He was in trouble and he knew it. He was happier than he had been in a long time. *  
  
*  
A.N. SEVERUS! I hope this made you all happy, I can imagine you must be dying for some snape, and I couldn't keep you waiting any longer! I thought I'd give you triple the length since I've been gone for so many days. Snape! I'm happy, they have some sort of relationship. They both admit to being in love. This is getting exciting!  
By the way, to make more sense, the point of that screwed up paragraph was that you could still read what I said. The order of the letters didn't matter for reading, since you read the word as a whole. We no longer sound things out letter by letter as we teach children to.  
And I did have a great long weekend, full of shopping and reading.and sleeping. 


End file.
